cynicism | o29. [Action, Voice]

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o29. [Action, Voice]

[Walking through Luceti again. Hisoka supposed it was another hunk of his delirium, some fever dream concocted by his imagination to keep him from going mad while his flesh suffered. Not even his subconscious could heal him fully: though the third-degree burns covering his body were no longer severe enough to expose clean bleached bone, he was still scarred and tender. Pain stabbed through raw nerves with every step, but it wasn't as though he could sit still. Sitting still didn't get anyone anywhere.

And so he continued on, trudging slowly past landmarks he knew from a past life long forgotten. That was the lake where Draco liked to commiserate. Those where the trees Hisoka favored during his akido practices. That was the garden Tsuzuki planted that he was so sorry to lose when they'd moved away. That part of the river was the last place he'd seen Rachel before she vanished. And that part of the path was where he'd had his last picnic lunch with Miss Yuri. And then there was the house he and Tsuzuki abandoned once their housemates all disappeared at once.

They'd moved often, hadn't they? They spent too much time running from ghosts. Hisoka hoped Tsuzuki had found his way back home as well. There was no reason for him to suffer here needlessly.

Rather than stop by the last apartment he'd shared with his partner, Hisoka instead trudges to the center of town, hobbling into the medical center. He supposes he still looks frightening without his bandage. They'd have to be replaced before he'd be willing to interact with anyone directly. He hoped the doctors wouldn't try to do anything silly like apply mortal medicine to magical wounds. He'd request a simple wound dressing and be on his way. No unnecessary burdens for anyone.]

Excuse me. [It's croaked in a voice barely strong enough to whisper.] I could use some help, if it's no trouble to you.

[OOC: It's only been about a day and a half in Luceti-time, but Hisoka's spent the last six months at home having a canon update. Characters can encounter him on his trip through town. Alternatively, whoever's hanging around the medical center might want to help the patient shuffling through their doorway.

As a general note, Hisoka's got some gnarly full-body burn injuries that might not mesh well with the whole new feathers don't get to wear clothes' thing. How strong is your character's stomach?]

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[Of course he flinches. It would make no sense if he didn't, considering how painful the scars look. He tries to keep the touch as close to nonexistent as he can. Tsuzuki's gaze flickers to the side of the bed, to see if he's given something for the pain.

But then he hears that name, and he can't control his emotions. His voice rises.]

But he is so dangerous, Hisoka. Why would you --

[He lets out a quiet whining noise and shrinks back.]

...Tsuzuki please.

[Tsuzuki quickly shrinks back, taking his hand away. His partner doesn't beg him to stay away unless he's really overstepping a boundary. He presses his knuckles to his own mouth, trying to keep his emotions in check. It's hard, because he can't understand why Hisoka would take such a risk. Does he value his own life that little?]

I'm sorry.

You'll understand when you're home again. Okay?

[Of course he won't. Everyone was against him going to Kurikara in the first place. But hopefully that'll be enough to deflect the topic for now.]

[Nothing makes any sense. Tsuzuki can't bring himself to let it go, either, because how could he let his partner down this way? Back home he had no reason for failing to protect him.]

Why didn't I stop you? I know he's dangerous.

You didn't have a choice.

[He doesn't like the sound of that at all. What kind of horrible existence awaits them when they come home? One where he's forced to see Hisoka die?]

[His heart feels tight and lonely just at the thought. He doesn't want to lose him. It's bad enough that he doesn't want to talk about it.]

...How are your scars doing? Did they give you painkillers?

[He gives Tsuzuki a long stare and completely ignores the question at hand.]

Stupid... Who said anything about me being dead?

There are things that can kill us. You know that.

[He doesn't want to berate him for getting hurt. Tsuzuki knows all too well the irony of asking Hisoka to try not to kill himself after what happened in Kyoto. He takes a deep breath, and mindful of Hisoka's habit of listening to emotions rather than words, thinking only of how much Hisoka's well-being means to him.]

What was so important that you put yourself in that kind of danger?

Of course I know that. I had a shiki with me when I went. [His voice chokes at that though, and then he falls fully silent.]

[Tsuzuki really wishes there was some way to touch him, to let him know he was there for him. Even if he didn't fully understand Hisoka's jumbled explanation, he understood the pain in his voice.]

What happened?

Kurikara doesn't like humans. My shiki died protecting me.

[And then there's a sharp, pained noise because he's shed a tear and it burns against his marred skin.]

....Oh, Soka. I'm so sorry.

[The words are so small and insignificant compared to how badly Tsuzuki knows the loss is. He can't imagine losing any of his. It would be like tearing his family apart.]

[He hastens to pick up a clean part of the bandages they've been using, dabbing Hisoka's cheek as lightly as he can. The only thing he can really do is be there for him, but he wishes there was a way he could hug him without hurting him.]

Who was it? I mean, what was her name?

[More tears come to replace the one already lost. It's horrible and it's suffering, but it's penance he deserves.]

His name was Riko. He was.. [Low-level. Too small. Too noisy.]

He was incredible.

[Even though he knows it must hurt, leaving him to hurt alone simply isn't something he can do. He comes to sit on the bed, wrapping his arms around Hisoka's shoulders as gently as he can do, letting Hisoka rest his head on his shoulder. Still, he knows that he must come in contact with some of the scars anyway, although he tries not to.]

[It's such a shame. His first shikigami should have been a source of celebration, not sorrow. Those kind of bonds aren't supposed to be broken.]

Will you tell me about him?

He.. was a water Shiki. A cactus.

[The physical contact sends him wincing away, though he doesn't get very far with the nurse still wrapping his bandages.]

He... I'm sorry.. Where was I?

[Tsuzuki doesn't push it once he sees the pain in Hisoka's eyes. With a guilty look, he sits back on the bed. In a way, it reminds him of how skittish Hisoka was in the beginning of their partnership, except then those burn marks had been on his mind and heart, not on his skin.]

You were talking about how Riko died.

[He sobers slowly, still wincing as the wrapping creeps up his chest.]

He died because I was selfish. I wanted a stronger shiki. I wasn't happy with him.

[He resumed wiping Hisoka's tears away with a wet cloth. At least then he can pretend to be useful. As for Hisoka's explanation, he already knows of his partner's way of being overly critical of himself. When he says he's selfish, it could mean just about anything but.]

[Ultimately, Tsuzuki's sympathetic but confused. Hisoka had said his shikigami was incredible, so why the need to find something better? ]

Don't blame yourself for what happened.

[That's because Tsuzuki believes in him too much. Tsuzuki can't see him for the person he is. It's sad.]

It's nobody else's fault.

[Tsuzuki sees him clearer than Hisoka gives him credit for. It's just that he sees Hisoka's potential much clearer than he sees his faults.]

[He doesn't dare to touch the burns, because they still looked serious. He puts the cloth down and strokes his hair instead.]

You didn't kill him. You just made a mistake.

[Hisoka relaxes into the hair stroking, eyes drooping dangerously. It's already been the longest he's been awake since his injury.]

I made a mistake that ended with someone dying. That's not excusable.

[Tsuzuki simply continues to soothe the best way he knows how. Hisoka is safe now, so it's alright to rest if that's what his body demands of him.]

I know it feels that way right now. But... Riko wouldn't want you to take the blame for what happened. Shikigami aren't supposed to kill other shikigami like that. Not after the war.

Riko... Riko would...

[But it's already too hard to keep making words. He doesn't remember falling asleep, so it's bizarre to find himself waking up. How long had he been unconscious? Was Tsuzuki even still here?

There's a soft noise as he stirs, long since bandaged and set in bed.]

...tsu...?

[Tsuzuki wouldn't leave. Not when Hisoka's in such a bad state. While his partner is out, he watched over the nurse doing his bandages, making sure she does a proper job.]

[When Hisoka wakes, he has already found a semi-comfortable spot in the chair by the bed, and has actually picked up a book to have something to do. He closes it when he notices that Hisoka is somewhat awake.]

I'm here.

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